I went and benched today. I attempted 140 thinking that if I could set a PR maybe I would regain my spark. Nope. Still black hole depressed. Which might explain why I passed out last night at 9:30 and still felt exhausted when I woke up this morning.
As a side note, Gary was at the gym today and he said he was having the worst week ever because he had to work over the weekend. I said, “Um, I lost my job, I still haven’t found a roommate and I started crying in the squat rack on Monday because I’m a fucking psycho. Beat that.”
His response was, “Do you need money? I’ll give you $100,” which is so weird to me because he is by far not the first person to offer to give me a leg up lately. It kind of scares me that I’ve had so many people offering to help because I’ve spent a lot of time feeling really lonely. But it also makes me feel like a bit of a charity case, and I hate that.
I’ve considered going to the doctor, but I’ve cried in my doctor’s office before and she was not particularly helpful, and as a result, I just avoid going back to her. Plus, I have no health insurance right now, so it’s not even really an option. And if it were an option, I’d be getting new glasses in a heartbeat and probably still dragging my heals over going to the doctor.
Anyway, it’s the long weekend so I have some time to cope and I thought I was feeling better but I weighed myself this morning and I’m up to like 180 lbs, which means I probably will not make it down to 138lbs by July. I do care enough for that to bum me out apparently, and after a mediocre bench session I didn’t feel like sticking around. So now I’m going to eat ham and Easter bunnies and continue job hunting.
Really though, I should take up yoga or something. I did this stretch on Wednesday:
And felt my back pop audibly in no less than 8 places simultaneously. Am I going to die?