A Dainty Diary of Lifting

May 16th: Getting back into the gym


Hi. My blog has been kind of silent this past week. I haven’t posted anything because I might as well have fallen off the face of the planet. I haven’t been going to gym or eating very well.

I have what amounts to a laundry list of excuses: I’ve been finding the transition to a full-time job really difficult, which I did not anticipate. I wake up in the morning with every intention of going to the gym in the evening, and then I get home from work and I just want to lie on my couch and watch Ryan Gosling movies or sit on patio with a book or go to Costco. Basically, I lack any sort of discipline.

I am not entirely sure how to get back on track, either. A part of me wants to ditch Sheiko because it is mentally exhausting. Another part of me feels like I have to see this through to the end, just to prove to myself that I am not a chronic program hopper.  (I am.) So far the latter side is winning, but then I see this:

Sheiko #30 w3d1

And all I can think to myself is, “Ugh. I’m going to have to go to the gym, wait for a rack, spend a bajillion hours hogging the rack like a jerk and then come home and go to bed.” Is that n00b fitness mentality?

I feel like I overcame a hurdle at some point in my life when I made it into the weight room and said, “I am just as entitled to use the equipment as anyone else.” But I also feel like using the rack for 2 hours to squat and bench and squat and bench pushes the bounds of common courtesy.

So I procrastinated on that for 6 days, but I finally went and tried to do it last night. After taking a few days off, I felt mentally and physically disengaged. I missed some of the squat reps and my hip was really sore, so I just left the gym in a fit of anger. And I forgot to wear deodorant. I’m a mess.

Luckily, some guy I’d never seen before decided to show up and MacGyver a dip belt out of a dumbbell and some straps. Out of concern for his nuts, I went to the desk and got the dip belt for him to use. When I offered it to him, he said, “Thank you! Where did you get this? Right now I feel like I’m in a torture device!” So even if I didn’t have a great lifting session, at least my presence at the gym made the world a better place by protecting a stranger’s family jewels.

I think I need to change my lifting schedule so that I have one lifting day on the weekend, and not on Monday which is always the busiest day of my week. When Gary moves away in June, I might also look into new gym – one that actually has power racks. A change of scenery could be good. In the meantime, I’m trying to find a new hobby. Not to replace lifting. But just to distract me from feeling emo about my lifting, which I do a lot.

Instead, let’s talk about food because right now eating is my only other hobby. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I just can not stop eating sugar. And a part of me is hesitant to even talk about this, because I feel like such a failure. Eating healthy should be a straightforward A to B kind of process. You decide to eat fewer calories, do it and lose weight. Unless you’re me: in which case you get totally derailed and then experience extreme bouts of self-loathing.

Last week, I didn’t feel like eating at all. Then I woke up on Friday and thought “I need food” and I haven’t stopped eating since! Not a good strategy for weight-loss, as evidenced by the fact that my pants are uncomfortably tight.

On Saturday, I went to a Yoni Freedhoff lecture on the obesogenic nature of Canada’s Food Guide. He’s a smart guy. He made me feel sufficiently guilty for not cooking my own meals. I came home and cooked an entire week’s worth of meals and planned on eating 1800 cal every day.

I’m still hungry all of the time. And I still went for a burger on Tuesday, after getting home from Costco rather late. Did I mention I feel like a failure?

A large part of me feels overwhelmed. I keep doing the most idiotic things that I know I shouldn’t do, but I can’t seem to stop myself, either. At least a part of me knows that my weight is fluid and the situation can be salvaged, even if it seems to be spiralling out of control at this very second.

I finally pulled the trigger and copied swolesister and bought a BodyMedia Fit. It was supposed to arrive today, but UPS appears to have lost the parcel. If it ever does arrive, I plan to run a 500 cal deficit and see if that is more sustainable than whatever I’m trying to do now.

I think I might also start trying to blog daily. I really like lifterly’s food log and I feel like a similar format would be more helpful for my own accountability. I might not have a lot to say on rest days (who am I kidding? Does this post give the impression that I will ever run out of things to say?) But it’s my blog and if I just want to post a food log and some cat videos or random Jillian Michaels gifs on any given day, then why shouldn’t I?

Citrus and macadamia crusted tilapia with Cauliflower “Rice”

Food Diary


Breakfast: Coffee, Steak with green peppers and onions, Swirly Quiche

Lunch: Salmon, Guacamole, Olives, Tomatoes, EVOO & lemon juice

Afternoon coffee

Supper: Citrus and Macadamia Tilapia with cauliflower rice

Calories Consumed: 1725


Breakfast: Coffee, Swirly Quiche, 4 strips of bacon, Banana

Lunch: Mustard Chicken with spinach and sweet potato pancakes

Supper: Citrus and Macadamia Tilapia with cauliflower rice

Calories Consumed: 1822


3 thoughts on “May 16th: Getting back into the gym

  1. Ahhhh the daily food log posts begin — Welcome to an entirely new level of Hell 😉 Psych, I love it. It makes blogging much more casual and like… “who gives a fuck, this is my diary and I’ll post absolutely nothing substantial if I want to today”

    You could try training in the AM before going to work. I find it to be the only way I can balance working and training. Any time I try to do evening lifting, I come up with a lot of great excuses to skip the gym (namely the one you’ve found, not wanting to get home at 10pm)

  2. I suspect you’re hungry and can’t stop eating sugar because you’re eating far too little to support your activity. That will also make it really difficult to gather the energy to work out. Listen to what your body is trying to tell you!

    I’m only slightly bigger than you and my maintenance level is ~3000 cal/day. I guess the bodymediafit do-dah will give you a figure not far of that (although I don’t think they’re great at acknowledging the energy requirements of strength training). You’ll feel much better once you start eating enough.

    You have achieved so much, I wish you’d give yourself a break. You have a long life ahead of you – you don’t need to do everything all at once.

  3. To be honest, from your mental state about food that comes across in this blog post I think the last thing you need to be doing is counting your food and your calories. You are just not in the right place for it to work and that will make you hate yourself more. Also fewer calories does not necessarily mean weight loss.

    Give yourself a break, you have just started a FT job, trying to cram that and life and eating and gym is difficult and it might be a while before you find your rhythm. Let yourself find a routine that works for you and stop beating yourself up.

    Some blogs/twitter/facebook you might find useful are Fit Mama Training and Chichi Kix (fitvillains) and Go Kaleo. Whilst you might not agree with the nutritional approach they use (all of which are different) their mental states about their body and weight are healthy.

    Be nice to yourself.

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