Hi. I’m alive. I haven’t been to the gym all week, and I am not beating myself up over it.
I am still adjusting to the meds they put me on for my mental issues. I’ve spent a lot of time sleeping/not sleeping, and I’ve noticed that it’s affecting my performance at work. On top of that, I’ve been having some good days and some bad days, and I find I can switch on a moment’s notice for no apparent reason. But mostly I just feel apathetic about everything.
So I haven’t been back to the gym, but I’ve still been working on “me”. One of my friends commented that the drugs are changing me, which has really freaked me out. But, I also cannot disagree. I feel like my body is not as horribly deformed as I thought it was. I keep telling myself that I am a person of value and I have good qualities. Sometimes I cut people off, but I am an attentive audience. I am open to new experiences and ideas. Although I can be quick to judge, I like most people that I spend the time getting to know. I have a good memory and can make connections between concepts that I’ve learned.
All of that is a lot more important than the number on the scale this week, or my lifting numbers. Those will come with time and I’m not worried about it.
Actually, looking back, I am beginning to suspect I was overtraining. Sheiko coupled with extra gym time while running a deficit? I know the internet is quick to decry overtraining, just work harder, etc. But I dreaded having to go to the gym and then I cried in the squat rack at one point, for god’s sake. So I’ll go back when I’m ready and listen to what my body is trying to tell me.
Right now it’s saying, “You have not been to the gym in a week and you expect to do roller derby when it feels like 35 degrees outside? Ya, good luck with that.”
Much of the same tonight at derby: stopping and falling practice. We did some sculling at the end, and they did a review of the rules and how a derby match works. Apparently, you wear a “panty” on your helmet. Ya. Just when you thought derby couldn’t be any gayer.
I got lube on my knee pads this week because my falls weren’t landing smoothly. It made the world of difference, although I might need to go buy some new knee pads. Either I have a hamstring imbalance or my pads are not the same size but either way I can’t get one of them done up at the top. This is what I get for having massive quads.