I have officially committed to my year of Lean Eating.
Registration for Precision Nutrition’s Lean Eating program was yesterday and I guess I signed up. I even filled out my introductory questionnaire last night and downloaded the initial 6-week workout cycle, so I really am taking the first steps in the journey. I feel like I’m going back to my roots in a way, by revisiting some of the fundamentals I was introduced to in New Rules of Lifting for Women. That will start on Monday, and until then I feel impatient and nervous to start. I feel like I’m ready to jump in 110% but since that approach hasn’t worked for me in the past, I keep telling myself to sit tight.
In the meantime, my diet does seem to have gone off the deep end. It is like eleventy million degrees outside, and even hotter in my top-floor apartment with no air conditioning. I think I’m melting. My stomach is always upset and I can’t bring myself to turn on the oven or even microwave leftovers. So basically I have some ice cream or I don’t eat after I get home from work. Then I turn around and stuff my face at breakfast, go out for lunch and repeat the cycle. I know that’s a disordered schedule and although I haven’t been tracking my calories, my protein consumption is basically nonexistent.
I did finally step on the scale last night. It had been a while. It wasn’t anywhere as bad as I’d expected. It wasn’t great – I’m not 148lbs like I was when I pulled 370 – but I do seem to have stabilized right where I was last August and last December. I can live with where I am right now, especially given everything else that’s happened since I graduated and knowing that I’m about to embark on a pretty serious journey to fix not only my diet but myself.
Oh, and I’ve officially been on an antidepressant for a month now. That means I’ve survived my first bout of PMS while on taking an SSRI. I’m still 99.9% certain that I have PMDD. I once had a coworker who lost her smartphone and then said to me in a state of panic, “I need that thing! It’s my life! What am I supposed to do? I don’t even know when I get my period without an app!”
As much as I have an attachment to my iPhone, I have never needed an app to track my cycle. The whole idea is rather unfathomable to me, really. I always knew exactly where I was based on how out of control I felt . Even when went to the doctor, all I could say in my fit of blubbering was, “I just can’t stop crying! I know it’s hormonal because I’m a week out from my period! I’m sorry!”
Well, for the first time ever, I think was able to cope with my PMS. I mean, I’m still myself. I have been a bit moody and a bit restless and I kind of want to explode out of my skin. But I think I’ve gone 30 days without weeping at an inappropriate place like the coffee shop or the city bus or my desk at work and that’s got to be a new personal best. I am congratulating myself on being a functional human being.
So right now is actually a great time for me to be starting the Lean Eating program. Even though I know there are some aspects of my life that need to change, I finally feel like I am at least in a position to manage those things. I’ve cleaned my apartment! I’ve made a budget! I’ve been going to the gym regularly! I’ve read a novel! And now I have the mental capacity to take responsibility for my health.
At the gym, I tried doing some Greatist WODs. They have a prescribed warm-up that I’ve been forcing myself to do every time. My hips feel great! They are also programmed with sets of 15 reps, which I knew I’d be seeing in the LE workouts and I wanted to prepare myself for what is coming. I have no illusions: the mentality that I am a powerlifter who only works in low rep ranges has done nothing for my endurance. #thisiswhyimfat
The very first WOD I did, I even revisited one of my favourite moments from NRL4W: the part where my workout ends, and then I just lay down on the bench in the locker room, waiting for my legs to stop trembling so I can walk home. The first few days were brutal, but after a week of high rep training, I’m already feeling more optimistic.
For one thing, I’m pretty sure that even following a lifting program will preserve the base of strength I’ve built, even if I’m not focusing on 1RMs for the time being. And trying out new lifts has been fun, which was something that was lacking from training over the past few months. I don’t dread going to the gym anymore and maybe I’ve crawled out of my training rut. I’ve even found that after these workouts, I come home completely wiped, and then I sleep through the night, which has been a much-needed change. Most importantly: sets of 15 produce a sick pump. I look so jacked!
On the subject of lifting: this weekend is the annual Ottawa Open Powerlifting meet. Although I withdrew from the list of lifters, I have a friend who will be doing her first meet. I have been trying to support her as much as possible. This is the chick who got me into lifting and hence totally changed my life! How could I think she is anything less than awesome? Plus, I remember all of the feelings of excitement and nervousness that a lifter experiences in the days leading up to her first meet. I am eternally grateful to the person who helped me get through my first experience on the platform, and I can only hope to be half as helpful in an attempt to pay the favour forward.
So life has been keeping me busy and I’ll be even busier once I start Lean Eating on Monday. And then? Who knows. I’ve kind of been thinking that coaching people is fun – which is practically a confession of sociability coming from me! Maybe after this journey, I’ll feel lean enough and confident enough to help coach others. But that’s a lofty goal and I’m happy to be taking things one day at a time right now.