Someone told me yesterday that I should update my blog. Granted, they were inebriated, but I’d had the nagging thought to do so for a few days. So here I am, updating my blog and making the resolve to start logging my lean eating meals on a daily basis. Let me explain a bit where the motivation for this idea is coming from.
I am coming off a night of junk food overload. I was doing okay for about 10 days, but that always seems to be my maximum. Then I just lose all rational control, and eat an entire pan of Rocky Road Brownies and a bag of praline pecans. And then I wake up the next morning feeling sick and full of remorse. I can only conclude that I have some sort of some sort of binge eating disorder at this point, and if I ever end up with a job that pays alright, some cognitive behavioural therapy might not be amiss.
But apart from my immediate feelings of guilt over last night’s sugar overdose, my emotions are generally a bit of a mess. I simultaneously feel apathetic and totally overwhelmed by everything in my life. I didn’t even know that was possible, and I doubt it’s a healthy mentality to have. I am still somewhat in denial about my current unemployment and I need to do something to conquer my inertia. I’ve said before that writing is a good way for me to untangle everything in my head by making it tangible. And I need some untangling at this point in my life, because I’m not even sure what I’m feeling.
No matter what I’m feeling though, I know my emotions are affecting my life, and I also know that they’re intrinsically wrapped up what I eat. It’s like that novel, Like Water for Chocolate but with less magic realism. A meal that I prepare and eat, not only captures but feeds my mind. Why not document the journey I’ve embarked on, in the hopes of cleaning out my headspace?
A part of me resisted this idea initially. I could only think of Krista Scott-Dixon‘s advice that, “Talking about your workouts, your body fat, your weight, and/or your food intake is very, very boring.” And I don’t want my food habits to consume me or my life. But at the same time, I already feel ‘stuck’ when it comes to my diet and my life. As mundane as the topics may be, I think I need to work through them on my own to get more out of life.
And I don’t want to record the number of calories I ate or how many grams of rice I consumed today. I don’t really want anyone to know my morning my weight every day, except maybe myself. I have been that person and it was stress that I didn’t need in my life. But this is my blog. Sometimes I just want to write down what I ate and how I’m feeling hopeless about my career prospects, and how I’d really like to buy a new sofa and a bike but I’m beyond broke, so instead I’m just taking naps all of the time and dreaming about furniture – which is actually a whole lot more than diet talk, come to think of it. But I guess that if that bores you, then go read something more interesting – I’ve already suggested Krista Scott-Dixon or Like Water for Chocolate if you’re in the mood for fiction.
Lean Eating Log
- Maple Pork Sausages
- Slice of 20 Grain Train Sprouted Bread with Almond Cashew Butter
Mid-afternoon meal – Shrimp and quinoa fried in coconut oil with onions, bell pepper, celery, carrot and tomatoes
- Ground Pork
- Wild & Brown Rice Blend
- Garden salad with olive oil and balsamic vinegar
Active Recovery: My apartment was being shown this afternoon and I happen to be dog-sitting, so the dog and I went for a very long and very scenic walk around the neighbourhood.
Days Since Last Meltdown: 1