After seeing The Fruit Hunters on Wednesday, I received persimmons in my weekly produce delivery. I have never tried a persimmon! It feels so exotic! I also received the funkiest bell pepper I’ve ever seen and it I can’t wait to eat it!
However, I was supposed to receive my produce delivery yesterday and that did not transpire because my entire apartment building had a 12 hour power outage. There wasn’t even emergency lighting in the stairwell. While I’d prepared a couple of LE meals in advance, I was hungry and trapped in darkness by the end of the day and basically looking for any excuse to binge eat… so I had another bender, just in time for my caliper measurements this morning!
I am stressing eating.
This fact hit me like a wrecking ball last night as I was buying chocolate covered pretzels. I Liz Lemon stress-eat as a coping mechanism and I am pretty stressed out. My unemployment is lasting longer than expected and there’s been a problem in receiving my EI benefits. My bank account has been cleaned out. Most of my stuff, including a large part of my kitchen, is packed into boxes. I am not sure who is going to move those boxes or where they will go and I am quickly approaching my deadline to decide. I don’t know where I’m going to live for two weeks. I need to call my cable company. And I’ve been struggling with my Lean Eating Habits this week. The lessons are all about motivation and right now I am having trouble accepting advice that presumes that I am succeeding. And in general I’m just not seeing a lot of progress; my weight is only 3lbs less than it was back in July.
I don’t think I realized how much all of these things were taking a toll on me. I keep telling everyone that my funemployment streak is so awesome! I just sit around in my pajamas all day, watching whatever’s in my Netflix cue and getting my hair done and going to the gym. That’s certainly a life of leisure but it lacks a sense of purpose. Like, I have no real reason to get out of bed in the mornings. And I thought I was coping, until I found myself unable to fall asleep last night. It’s amazing what sort of realizations my sleep deprived brain can have at 4 am.
I feel sick. As much as I like to overindulge in junk food, that doesn’t account for my perpetual stomachache. I feel anxious ALL OF THE TIME. It’s exhausting to feel like I’m constantly on the edge of my life. I stay awake all night thinking about everything and nothing. I find it impossible to enjoy anything because I feel like something is perpetually looming on the horizon. Even food and lifting are tainted by this feeling of impending doom. Oh, and and sign #1547 that I am stressed is that I keep tearing up at inappropriate times. I thought that was just PMS, but I’m no longer PMSing and I started tearing up while flexing in the mirror at the gym.So that’s kind of a problem and admitting that I’m stressed was an incredible realization and a huge relief.
Sleep deprived and feeling like a zombie, I went to get my body fat measured this morning. I had a good chat with David who did my assessment. I think I might switch up my lifting program. I miss lifting heavy and it’s important to be passionate about what I’m doing in the gym. I don’t mind doing intervals for cardio twice a week or even doing some active recovery. I don’t mind adding in some higher volume circuits as accessory work. But I just want to put 300lbs on a barbell and squat. I needed a break and now I really miss lifting heavy which is sign that I’m probably ready to come back. Does it really make sense for me to continue doing a generic program that I don’t even care for? Lifting heavy and eliminating my junk food benders would probably give me some pretty decent results. With that in mind, I’m considering doing a 5×5 LP for the next phase of the program and seeing where I stand in 4 weeks time. But first I have to do my 3 month progress pictures and since I’ve been stress eating, I’m feeling kind of anxious about that.
The good news is that I haven’t managed to undo all of my progress. My 7 site skinfold assessment went from 23.1% to 19.8% body fat. Those numbers are probably the best motivation that I’ve received all week and put me in a much better frame of mind going forward. I came home and looked at my lean eating progress. My habit compliance is low the past couple of weeks, but my workout completion is 100%. There is hope for me yet.
Yesterday (My laptop died before I could log. #cavemanproblems)
Breakfast – Slow cooker oatmeal, pork sausage, sauerkraut
1st lunch – Super Shake
2nd lunch – Oatmeal, Chicken Thighs, Carrot & Cauliflower soup
3rd lunch – Oatmeal, Cottage cheese
Not a meal – Blondie, chocolate covered pretzels, chocolate covered cranberries, turkey sandwich, ice cream
Workout: Active recovery; 30 min on the stationary bike.
Lunch – Blue Gardenia Salad
Not quite dinner – Beet salad, greek salad and vegetarian quiche at Cafe 55
Post workout – Super shake
Workout: When I am this sleep deprived, I don’t trust my body to lift. I notice that I have a hard time tuning into my body on the best of days and being tired makes it even worse. I decided to do my intervals today in order to play it safe. I didn’t even manage a full mile on the treadmill and then I needed a nap. I stand by my decision.