I feel like I am really on top of things, so I’m not worried. If I keep doing what I’m doing everything will be fine. But fuck. I am so bloated and crampy and tired feeling today. I just feel so fat. And I ordered a pair of leggings from Forever 21, and when I tried them on, I ripped a giant hole in the crotch which certainly didn’t make me feel any better about my body.
I feel a bit like I am at odds with myself. On the one hand, I feel like I am eating really well! I have eliminated a lot of the sugar from my diet and my emotional state seems to be about 110% improved. I am crushing it in terms of recovery right now. If I just keep doing all of this consistently, which I absolutely know that I am capable of doing, then in the long run my body will be totally ok. But then I look in the mirror. And all I can see is how fat I look. My stomach is so distended and I have back fat and one giant freakin’ muffin top/spare tire. And when I see all of that, I just feel revolting.
Why are my emotions so goddamn complex?
In other news, I spent the vast majority of the day in bed and reading a Jonathan Franzen novel. Since my motivation was obviously low and I feel disgusting, I skipped my lifting workout and just did my active recovery today. Which is fine because it allows me to rearrange my workout schedule for the week to accommodate a Crossfit class on Saturday. Hopefully I will feel like my body is Crossfit-ready by then.
8:40 – Breakfast
- 1 Pumpkin pancake made with coconut flour
- 1 thumb of almond-hazelnut butter
- 1.5 mustard & sage glazed chicken thighs
- 1 cupped handful of Bubbie’s Sauerkraut
- 1 cup of black coffee
- 1 tbsp fish oil
- 2 probiotic caps.
- 1 cup of dandelion root tea
1:10 – Lunch
- 2 apple streusel egg muffins (2 eggs, 1/2 an apple, 1 tbsp coconut flour)
- 3 thumbs of cauliflower hummus
- 2 carrots
- 1 mini cucumber
- 1 cupped handful of cottage cheese
- Leftover chocolate mousse – 1/2 avocado, 1/2 banana, 1/8 cup cocoa powder, 1/8 cup almond milk, 1 tbsp cocoa nibs
- 1 green apple
- 23 g R/S Almonds
I had planned to eat more at lunch but felt too full to continue eating. Then I was hungry an hour later but absolutely determined to finish the novel I’d been working on. Finally, when the novel just seemed interminable and my stomach was distracting me, I just gave in and ate… and man, was I hungry.
9:15 – Post-workout
- 1 fist of lean ground beef cooked with a tomato and baby kale
- 2 thumbs of home-made ketchup
- 1 Pumpkin pancake
- 1 thumb of almond butter