I woke up today with ab DOMS and glute DOMS, but only on the right side. These two factors did not make for a good squat session today. It was supposed to be a light day, but I made sure I wouldn’t push myself too far by leaving my belt at home. I worked up to 205×6 and on the last rep I let out the strangest sound ever – like, a high-pitched and wheezy “eeeeee” all the way up.
I tried to do some bench volume, too, but after a couple of sets of 95×10, I stopped. I had a mild pain in my shoulder, almost like a cramp but under the scapula. It’s not bothering me now, and since I’m feeling kind of run down, my “aim to do better” for the day is simply to foam roll before bed.
The main goal for me today was to get into the gym and do my PNLE interval workout, which I did. I know my coach says that this is what really makes a difference in getting leaner, but fuck. I swear the only thing cardio does is make me hungry.
I feel like I have been having a weird internal struggle over my weight recently. I am looking better these days, I swear! And my body fat assessment with the calipers put me at 21%, which I know is a good number for a woman. But then I just step on the scale and I feel like it’s downright disgusting for a short little woman like myself to weight 166lbs. All of my friends are taller and weigh less! My BMI is 30.4 – which means I am obese and it’s a well accepted truth in the age of the internet that fat women are gross and they would be so much hotter and more dateable if they just started taking care of themselves and lost some goddamn weight.
I wish someone had told me, way back when I read New Rules of Lifting for Women, that there is a big difference between being strong and looking strong. And even that’s a joke, because even women who want to look strong really just want to do a bikini competition, because they don’t want to be “too muscular”. Well, I’m not sure I want to be too muscular, either.
I just want to say that our society is fucked. I know the mental gymnastics that take place in my head are largely the result of cultural brainwashing: I am obese and whether my body has to carry around 166lbs of fat or 166lbs of muscle, that’s still a lot of weight for my heart to carry around. I should really lose some weight. Okay, but I also wear size 10 pants and I’m not so sure that many obese women can say that. I’m probably doing okay if I just focus on eating when I’m hungry. So fuck the scale. But I still think that my friends who are skinnier are hotter. I wonder what their body fat percentages are.
Whatever. Here’s how it should have gone down: I got hungry. I ate some cottage cheese. My hunger was gone. I didn’t spare a single thought to the scale for the rest of my days. Everyone lifted lots of weights and lived happily ever after. The end.
7:55 – Breakfast
- 1 palm sized serving of plain greek yogurt
- 1 cupped handful of steel cut oats, baked with walnuts & blueberries
- 1/4 c frozen blueberries
- 1 tbsp fish oil
- 1 cup black coffee
11:50 – Lunch
- 4 small beets, chopped and baked (~2 cupped handfuls)
- 1 fist-sized serving of cottage cheese
- 1 thumb of toasted pine nuts
15:15 – Snack
- 2 eggs
- 1 slice of bacon
- 1 fist-sized potato
- 1 cupped handful of sauerkraut
19:00 – Supper
- 1 bison sausage, casing removed
- 1/2 c primevera
- 1/2 large green cabbage, steamed
21:00 – Snack
- 1 fist sized serving of cottage cheese
- 1/2 thumb of PB2
- 1 granny smith apple
- 1 thumb of almond butter
- 1 oz 75% dark chocolate w/ cocoa nibs