Today’s gym session: squats and bench. Brought to you by Groundhog Day.
I worked up to 135×1 on bench. I think I’ve figured out exactly where I’m losing tightness in my set-up. First, my hand position was too wide. Second, I need to focus on pushing my heels down without allowing my feet to slide forward. It’s uncomfortable but it gets me tight. I backed off to 125 to try and focus on setting up consistently, but I was suffering from some upper arm tightness, so I moved on to squats. Came back at the end of my workout and managed 105x5x3 without any issues.
For squats, I worked up to 250×3. This felt easy, but I came too far forward on my second rep, felt like I got stuck and then that kind of messed with my head. Also, I got a phone call midway through my warmups. I have a job interview on Thursday. I am insanely nervous and spent most of my workout in a state of distraction after that point. As much as I enjoy being able to dick around endlessly at the gym every day of the week, I really, really miss working and getting a paycheque. I think may try for a single tomorrow, or at least something heavy when I am less distracted.
Assistance work: I did my PNLE routine. I’m really liking this cycle as assistance work. I did sub out push-ups for some DB bench because I feel like that’s more useful for my strength goals. This was the rack pull/lateral lunge/OHP day, and it ended with curls for AMRAP in 60 seconds. I just feel obligated to say that I do not enjoy the feeling of a bicep pump. It’s just plain uncomfortable and it doesn’t even look good because my biceps are already so disproportionate to my triceps. But I also feel like this opinion is blasphemy according the doctrine of the gym.
Diet-wise: I just want to eat all of the chocolate in sight…. and actually, that’s about what I’ve done today.
I’ve been feeling kind of emo all weekend about my body image, and I think it’s for a whole bunch of different reasons. Now that I am back hovering around the 72kg mark, I feel like trying to get down to 63 kg is an exercise in futility. That’s a long, long way to go, and if I have to suffer to get there, I probably won’t stay there for long. So I might as well just focus on hanging out where I am. And I was feeling good about my progress until someone I went to high school with posted her “28lbs lost this month!” progress photos on Facebook, and then I just felt inadequate. And sometimes I just plain miss eating with abandon. I miss the feeling of being 110% full because I ate too much ice cream. It was comforting. And I know that sounds kind of dumb, but it’s true nonetheless.
Oh, and this weekend I accidentally stumbled across one of those “This is what xx bodyfat % looks like” and I do not look like the model for 21% body fat. I look like the girl with 35% body fat, but with less boobage. Except she probably isn’t the least bit worried about how much chocolate she ate today. The internet lies. And all of this “fitspiration” is not motivating, it just makes my best effort feel like shit. Maybe some more chocolate will cast a positive light on the situation.
8:50 – Breakfast –
- 1 fist-sized serving of vanilla greek yogurt
- 1 cupped handful of mixed berries
- 1 palm-sized serving of cranberry, cashew, honey granola
- 3 mini peppers
- 1 tbsp fish oil
- 1 cup of coffee
12:30 – Lunch
- 1 1/2 c. borscht
- 1 palm-sized serving of greek yogurt
- Aprx. 35 grams dark chocolate
16:10 – Post-workout
- 1 cupped handful ground beef
- 1/5 tbsp butter
- 1 slice of bacon
- 1 cupped handful of celeriac puree
- 1 fist-sized serving greek yogurt
- 1 thumb PB2
- 1 thumb of walnut pieceas
- 1 granny smith apple
- 1/2 cup almond milk
- 35 g dark chocolate