A Dainty Diary of Lifting

More squats, more bench


Today’s gym session: squats and bench. Brought to you by Groundhog Day.

I worked up to 135×1 on bench. I think I’ve figured out exactly where I’m losing tightness in my set-up. First, my hand position was too wide. Second, I need to focus on pushing my heels down without allowing my feet to slide forward. It’s uncomfortable but it gets me tight. I backed off to 125 to try and focus on setting up consistently, but I was suffering from some upper arm tightness, so I moved on to squats. Came back at the end of my workout and managed 105x5x3 without any issues.

For squats, I worked up to 250×3. This felt easy, but I came too far forward on my second rep, felt like I got stuck and then that kind of messed with my head. Also, I got a phone call midway through my warmups. I have a job interview on Thursday. I am insanely nervous and spent most of my workout in a state of distraction after that point. As much as I enjoy being able to dick around endlessly at the gym every day of the week, I really, really miss working and getting a paycheque. I think may try for a single tomorrow, or at least something heavy when I am less distracted.

Assistance work: I did my PNLE routine. I’m really liking this cycle as assistance work. I did sub out push-ups for some DB bench because I feel like that’s more useful for my strength goals. This was the rack pull/lateral lunge/OHP day, and it ended with curls for AMRAP in 60 seconds. I just feel obligated to say that I do not enjoy the feeling of a bicep pump. It’s just plain uncomfortable and it doesn’t even look good because my biceps are already so disproportionate to my triceps. But I also feel like this opinion is blasphemy according the doctrine of the gym.

Diet-wise: I just want to eat all of the chocolate in sight…. and actually, that’s about what I’ve done today.

I’ve been feeling kind of emo all weekend about my body image, and I think it’s for a whole bunch of different reasons. Now that I am back hovering around the 72kg mark, I feel like trying to get down to 63 kg is an exercise in futility. That’s a long, long way to go, and if I have to suffer to get there, I probably won’t stay there for long. So I might as well just focus on hanging out where I am. And I was feeling good about my progress until someone I went to high school with posted her “28lbs lost this month!” progress photos on Facebook, and then I just felt inadequate. And sometimes I just plain miss eating with abandon. I miss the feeling of being 110% full because I ate too much ice cream. It was comforting. And I know that sounds kind of dumb, but it’s true nonetheless.

Oh, and this weekend I accidentally stumbled across one of those “This is what xx bodyfat % looks like” and I do not look like the model for 21% body fat. I look like the girl with 35% body fat, but with less boobage. Except she probably isn’t the least bit worried about how much chocolate she ate today. The internet lies. And all of this “fitspiration” is not motivating, it just makes my best effort feel like shit. Maybe some more chocolate will cast a positive light on the situation.

Food Log

8:50 – Breakfast –

  • 1 fist-sized serving of vanilla greek yogurt
  • 1 cupped handful of mixed berries
  • 1 palm-sized serving of cranberry, cashew, honey granola
  • 3 mini peppers
  • 1 tbsp fish oil
  • 1 cup of coffee

12:30 – Lunch

  • 1 1/2 c. borscht
  • 1 palm-sized serving of greek yogurt
  • Aprx. 35 grams dark chocolate

16:10 – Post-workout

  • 1 cupped handful ground beef
  • 1/5 tbsp butter
  • 1 slice of bacon
  • 1 cupped handful of celeriac puree

19:10 –

  • 1 fist-sized serving greek yogurt
  • 1 thumb PB2
  • 1 thumb of walnut pieceas
  • 1 granny smith apple
  • 1/2 cup almond milk
  • 35 g dark chocolate

4 thoughts on “More squats, more bench

  1. Hi!
    I just re-read this post (came to see if I’d somehow missed a post – and not I realise I sound like a stalker…!) and I realised we are about the same size! I’m useless at converting pounds to kilograms and so it only clicked when I read the bit about 72kg… I totally know what you mean about not looking like those pictures but really when you think about it, they are such a small representation of what women at those percentages look like. Even if there were two people with the same % next to each other I can guarantee you that they would look different. Fitspiration on the internet is complete bullshit and doesn’t give an accurate representation of what real life is. (This is an awesome write up about it You are impressively strong (you out-squat me by a mile) and I know you are concerned that you don’t look like you lift (I remember you writing about that in a previous post) and I totally relate because I don’t either – but the point is, is that you do lift and you are strong and you have muscle and you are freaking awesome for keeping on keeping on. I’m sorry for this novel/ramble, I’m not even quite sure what the point was meant to be… Maybe just to let you know that you aren’t alone, and 72kg at 21% is awesome and I hope that you find happiness within yourself (check out Molly Galbraith’s 28 day body-love challenge if you’re interested, I’m on day 2 and already notice a difference – also, staying away from internet ‘fitspo’ does wonders!)

    Hope the job interview went well and hopefully we will see a post from you soon šŸ™‚

  2. Around the time when you stopped updating this blog, you also stopped posting workouts on fitocracy. Are you ok?

    • I am alive. I went through a period of unemployment that was longer than expected. I cut off my gym membership when I couldn’t afford it, because it was not necessary for survival. I am back to working, though I am still not being paid quite regularly, and my mental health is still trying to catch up…. but hopefully I will be back to working out and eating normally soon.

  3. you are an awesome lifter. i hope you can start back up again soon. mostly though, i hope you start feeling as awesome as how i see you.

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