I don’t even know what to think about this week. Partially I am just too tired to think about anything.
I’ve been having trouble sleeping . I have no issues falling asleep, but then every morning this week, I’ve found myself wide awake at 4 am and unable to fall back asleep. And I’m pretty sure my iron levels are currently in the gutter. Between those two factors, it’s been all I can do to avoid having a mid-afternoon nap all week… and I clearly failed at that on Tuesday, when I fell asleep on my yoga mat before class.
I did yoga three times this week and I’m considering becoming a full-time member. At first the vibe of the studio near me kind of bothered me – it’s all upper class white women who are 90lbs and quite clearly look down down on lululemon. Actually, that aspect still kind of bothers me. But having gone a few times, I’ve noticed that my hips are feeling great and when I feel anxious, I know I will go to yoga and deal with it.
And since I can work myself into an instant anxiety attack a dozen times a day just by thinking about how much I need to go to the dentist, I am considering taking up residence at the yoga studio.
I did notice that my hips felt great while squatting. I’ve intentionally chosen “Yoga for Runner” and the “Hip Opening flow” to work on my mobility issues, and that seems to be working. However, lifting was crap overall, which is unsurprising. When I feel rundown before I even walk into the gym, it’s hard to crush my workouts. I was supposed to squat 295 for a set of 3 yesterday. Five weeks ago I was pissed off because I squatted 295×3 when I wanted 5. Yesterday I got three singles and that was good enough. There’s probably a lesson to be learned in there.
On the plus side, I did force myself to do intervals a couple of times. I have seriously been slacking on my cardio in general, and then I didn’t lose any weight this week (less than 1lb). I feel like I’m not making any progress, and consistent cardio would probably help with the weight loss, which i’ve obviously made my priority at the moment.
I could also go for a head check-up. I don’t know why I don’t feel like I’m progressing. I had to take my 2-month progress picture for PNLE this week. Exhibit A: Unofficial gym selfie progress pictures.
There is quite clearly progress there, regardless of how I feel. Seeing that I am objectively succeeding on my body transformation is making it a bit easier to deal with the strength loss.
But since I just feel like I’ve been sucking at the gym and feeling kind of down, I did reach out to my PNLE coach and I had a good dialogue with her this week. Initially she suggested that I should try increasing my carb intake. Although I have not consciously been restricting my carbs, I was surprised by how scary this prospect sounded. It’s like I have a mental block where quite simply, “more carbs = bad”. I even tried to rationalize to her what a bad idea this was: I sit at a desk all day! I don’t do cardio! I am so inactive! And had the follow-up realization that no matter how I perceive myself, if I go to the gym 4x week, I cannot truthfully say that I am inactive.
Anyway, much to my relief she then looked at my progress to-date and revised her suggestion. Apparently losing 21lbs in 8 weeks is not generally conducive to high-energy levels. So she suggested generally eating more protein and carbs post workout. (So my relief was somewhat short lived.)
I am not sure how successful I’ve been with that recommendation. I am trying to consciously eat a serving of carbs before and after my workouts. I don’t don’t why this suddenly became so difficult. I get home and I make a meal of chicken and veg and then I go, “Oh shit! There are no carbs and I can’t be bothered to make rice.” And mostly I just want to skip the carbs, but that has left me with a case of the post-deadlift flu at least once this week, so I made a pumpkin and oat loaf just to have on hand…. And I lost less than 1lb this week, so maybe that’s somehow a success? I don’t even know.
Sometimes I feel like I try to eat to 80% full, but I have an appetite of 800%.
Either way, I start a new habit on Monday and lo and behold: it’s eat “Smart carbs”. So I will keep practicing this one. Last round, my coach was paleo and I had time relating to her carb habits. This round my coach said, “I keep bread on hand. It’s pretty delicious! It’s just not Wonderbread.” Which I feel is a more suitable and sustainable approach for me. I ordered 25lbs of rolled oats through my co-op this week, so I really don’t think I’m giving up grains any time soon. Hopefully they’re just what I need to recover my strength (but not the weight I’ve lost!!!)