A Dainty Diary of Lifting

PNLE week 16

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This was my first week in my dairy-free experiment and I am happy to report that I am still alive. And I’m a bit surprised because I haven’t seen any dramatic changes. My weight loss is still crawling along and I’m beginning to freak out that I won’t make 72kg in time for provincials. Although, my PNLE coach is on vacation for the next few weeks and I promised her that I would save a full-out weight-related meltdown until after her return, so I am trying my best to just stay level headed and consistent for now.

I chose to do my dairy experiment this week and next because I am supposed to be keeping a food journal for PNLE. I cut out dairy because I rely so heavily on greek yogurt and cottage cheese to meet my protein intake. And I suspected that dairy was contributing to my stalled weight loss and bloating. The only problem is that I think I’ve replaced the dairy with foods that are even more notorious for causing bloating, most notably lentils. I fucking love green lentils. But I ate enough this week to feel like my abdomen was distended. I’m beginning to understand why so many former-vegetarians are Paleo converts. They don’t have a “bean intolerance”, they just react like a normal human being eating legumes.Ugh.

Anyway, I am planning on another week of dairy-free meals and if I don’t notice any difference in my weight loss, then I’m going to back to eating cottage cheese daily. Because it is delicious.

I’m actually supposed to be logging my meals to see where I can make improvements. This week was a pretty good week, and I don’t have a gaming marathon scheduled for Saturday night this weekend, so I won’t accidentally inhale a ton of pizza, Halloween candy and cookies. That might’ve happened last Saturday. But even if I’m making pretty good choices throughout the week, I’ve noticed that my vegetable intake could definitely be higher. I am supposed to be aiming for 5 servings each day, and I often find myself at the end of the day with only 4 under my belt. Oops.

Training wise: it’s a mixed bag. On days when I go in and front squat and incline bench I feel great because those are progressing. It doesn’t even matter what the numbers are, seeing the number increase is all I really need to see to feel good. Unfortunately, neither of those are competition lifts and my big 3 aren’t progressing quite as smoothly. I failed a 295 squat earlier this week – and that was before I fell down the stairs, fucking up my hip and tailbone. (I was sober.) On the other hand, I hit a rep PR of 340×3 on deadlifts today and I feel pretty good about that.  I know my priority is weight loss right now and as much as I’d like to see PRs on the platform at Provincial championships, I don’t feel like I can expect them after such a disappointing meet in North Bay. So it is what it is.

I will say that I had a bit of a lightbulb moment this week. I was listening to a “nutrition seminar” recording and someone in the audience asked about how to detect disordered eating patterns in clients trying to lose weight. The presenter responded by basically saying, (paraphrasing) “It’s hard. Some people have disordered eating and some people are just psychotic about their sports and competitive. And I find with women it’s especially hard because we live in a culture where some women just want to be small. What’s better than the records in the 148 class? The records at 132! And fuck those tiny bitches at 114! We often have clients who come to us and want to get down a weight class and as soon as they succeed, they turn around and say, ‘What’s next? Do you think I should cut down another class?'”

A part of me found this insight hilarious. But I also see myself as one of those clients. Here I am, and I am working so hard just to get under that 72kg cutoff, and I don’t even think I can be happy in the long-term as a 72kg lifter because I am just short and fat at 72kg. But here’s the truth: I’ve weighed 145lbs and I’ve weighed 250lbs and I felt equally fat regardless of the number of the scale. So maybe I should stop putting so much of my effort into worrying about what I weighed this morning and what I’ll weigh a year from now. But I still haven’t quite figured out how to breakout of this mentality, and I feel like I could spend my whole life trying to get there.


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